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Scary Dead Things

Scary Dead Things Author Rick Gualtieri
ISBN-10 9781940415147
Release 2013-12-03
Pages 361
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There are reasons we fear the night. He STILL isn't one of them. Bill Ryder, the trash-talking undead geek from Bill the Vampire, is back and about to find himself in a whole new world of side-splitting insanity. One of the most powerful vampires on the planet has given Bill a death sentence. Meanwhile, an immortal princess wants him for an entirely different purpose, one which makes his first issue seem almost preferable. All the while, new and powerful forces have begun to emerge from the shadows around him. Are they friend or foe? Knowing his luck, do you even have to ask? Bill's only hope is to marshal his friends, master his powers, and somehow prove that he's the scariest dead thing of them all. ------------- Scary Dead Things, book two in The Tome of Bill series, is a foul-mouthed horror comedy with an attitude the size of Brooklyn. ------------- This is book 2 in the Tome of Bill horror comedy series. Forget all of those brooding vampires, pining for lost love as they whine about it for centuries. It's time to make the undead fun again. Welcome to the story of Bill Ryder, a wise-cracking, sharp-tongued geek who just can't take the supernatural world too seriously. It's action, adventure and lots of politically incorrect laughs. If you're a fan of Army of Darkness or Shaun of the Dead then you're in the right place. Writing these books puts a huge smile on my face. I sincerely hope you have as much fun reading them. The Tome of Bill currently includes: Bill the Vampire (book 1) Scary Dead Things (book 2) The Mourning Woods (book 3) Holier Than Thou (book 4) Goddamned Freaky Monsters (book 5) Half A Prayer (book 6) Sunset Strip: A Tale From The Tome Of Bill The Tome of Bill Compendium (vol 1) - Books 1-4 of the series in one collection for those who wish to follow the adventure and save a few bucks in the process.



Bill the Vampire

Bill the Vampire Author Rick Gualtieri
ISBN-10 146367015X
Release 2012-03-01
Pages 362
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Meet Bill Ryder: programmer, gamer geek, and hopeless dweeb when it comes to women. All he ever asked for out of life was to collect his paycheck, hang out with his buds, and eventually (someday) ask out the girl of his dreams. However, then Bill met Sally. She was mysterious, aggressive, and best of all...smoking hot. Bill never stood a chance. Before he knew what was happening Sally had lead him to his death, and that was only the beginning of his troubles. Now Bill awakes to find himself an undead predator of the night. The only problem is he's still at the bottom of the food chain. He's in way over his head, surrounded by creatures more dangerous, better looking, and a whole lot cooler than he is. Worst of all is the dreaded Night Razor, a master vampire who just can't stand him. He gives Bill a 90 day deadline to either prove himself or meet a more permanent kind of death, and the deck is definitely stacked against him. But Bill isn't exactly average. A vampire like him hasn't been seen in over five centuries. He's got a few tricks up his sleeve, unlikely allies to help him out, and an attitude problem that makes him just too damn obnoxious to quit. He may just pull it off...if he doesn't get his teeth kicked in first.



Holier Than Thou

Holier Than Thou Author Rick Gualtieri
ISBN-10 9781940415109
Release 2013-12-03
Pages 462
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There are reasons the undead fear the night... Bill Ryder - gamer, geek, and legendary vampire - has woman troubles. The girl he wants is deadly to him. The girl who wants him is deadly to everyone else. He's trapped in the most lethal love triangle he can imagine and it's only going to get worse. On the eve of war, The Icon - ancient foe of the vampire race - has arisen. Panic is about to break out within the undead ranks and Bill is caught smack dab in the middle of it. Destiny has placed them on a cataclysmic collision course, but there's just one small catch: he's in love with her. Now he finds himself in a race against supernatural assassins to save the person who's fated to destroy him. Talk about being damned if you do... Unsure of his allies and outnumbered by enemies, Bill must dig deep within himself and find the faith to succeed - because if he fails, it'll be more than just his social life in tatters. ------------------ Holier Than Thou, book four in The Tome of Bill series, is a foul-mouthed paranormal dance with death, destiny, and trying to get a date. ------------------ Welcome to the fourth book in my Tome of Bill urban fantasy series. This series is about a geeky gamer who finds himself thrust into a world of magic, monsters, and assorted other horrors - most of whom want him dead. Looking for brooding heroes pining for lost love? Well, I'm afraid you should seek your reading pleasure elsewhere. The hero of these stories, Bill Ryder, is much more likely to spend his days wondering whether Captain Picard could beat Gandalf the Grey in a battle of wits - all while throwing out caustic one-liners at the creatures dragging the world to Hell around him. What better way to combat the forces of evil than with a quick wit and sarcastic attitude? I have a lot of fun writing these stories. I very much hope you enjoy them. The Tome of Bill currently includes: Bill the Vampire (book 1) Scary Dead Things (book 2) The Mourning Woods (book 3) Holier Than Thou (book 4) Goddamned Freaky Monsters (book 5) Half A Prayer (book 6) Sunset Strip: A Tale From The Tome Of Bill The Tome of Bill Compendium (vol 1) - Books 1-4 of the series in one collection for those who wish to follow the adventure and save a few bucks in the process. ---------- Keywords: urban fantasy,paranormal fantasy,horror comedy,hilarious stories,funny books,contemporary fantasy series magic,vampire series,vampires,vampire comedy,vampires fiction,comedy series,geek humor,gamer humor,alpha master vampire,fiction novels,fantasy ebooks,comedy vampires,underworld,supernatural stories,undead,zombies,superhero,superheroes,unlikely heroes,underdog heroes,new york,forbidden love,templar,faith,chosen one,paranormal romance



The Mourning Woods

The Mourning Woods Author Rick Gualtieri
ISBN-10 9781940415123
Release 2013-12-03
Pages 446
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Vampires versus Bigfoot - winner takes all. Bill Ryder: undead geek, dateless dweeb, and legendary vampire is back in his wildest adventure yet. A war is brewing between ancient enemies from the dawn of time. If it can't be stopped, the veil will be lifted and all of humanity's darkest nightmares will be unleashed to wreak havoc. Bill and his friends are the only chance we have...Lord help us all! The vampire nation dispatches Bill to a faraway land to broker peace, but it's not going to be easy. His enemies want him dead. Hell, some of his allies do too. Danger lurks at every turn and in places where he least expects it. Now he must rely on his friends, master his fledgling powers, and use every four-letter word in his arsenal to stop the war, uncover the conspiracy, and solve the mystery that lies at the heart of the Mourning Woods. ------------- The Mourning Woods, book three in The Tome of Bill series, is a foul-mouthed paranormal adventure that will leave your funny bone feeling like it's been trampled by an angry moose. ------------- This is book 3 of the Tome of Bill horror comedy series and it brings together two of my all time favorite monsters: Vampires and Sasquatch. It's an all out bloody brawl in the woods of northern Canada to determine the fate of the world. Writing these books puts a huge smile on my face. I sincerely hope you have as much fun reading them. The Tome of Bill currently includes: Bill the Vampire (book 1) Scary Dead Things (book 2) The Mourning Woods (book 3) Holier Than Thou (book 4) Goddamned Freaky Monsters (book 5) Half A Prayer (book 6) Sunset Strip: A Tale From The Tome Of Bill The Tome of Bill Compendium (vol 1) - Books 1-4 of the series in one collection for those who wish to follow the adventure and save a few bucks in the process. ---------- Keywords: urban fantasy,paranormal fantasy,horror comedy,hilarious stories,funny books,contemporary fantasy series magic,vampire series,vampires,vampire comedy,vampires fiction,comedy series,geek humor,gamer humor,alpha master vampire,fiction novels,fantasy ebooks,comedy vampires,underworld,supernatural stories,undead,zombies,superhero,superheroes,unlikely heroes,underdog heroes,canada,bigfoot,sasquatch,cryptids,grendel,alma,yeti



The Wicked Dead

The Wicked Dead Author Rick Gualtieri
ISBN-10 1519750382
Release 2015-12-21
Pages 634
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There are reasons we fear the night. Now he must become one of them .Bill Ryder has a powerful destiny. He just never expected it to involve an amnesiac bloodsucker, a bunch of D&D dorks, and a hormonal witch. It's time for the gamer, geek, and legendary vampire to embrace his fate. Ordered to storm the vampire stronghold in Boston, Bill must approach the doorstep of the invincible undead warlord he's destined to face. It's his only chance of stopping Armageddon. As his enemies stand in his way and his allies falter, the vicious beast inside of him wants out. If he stands tall and faces his fate, the world might just have a chance of surviving. If he fails, an unquenchable evil will destroy everything Bill knows and loves. Why can't the end of the world ever be easy? The Wicked Dead is the seventh book in the Tome of Bill saga, a series of foul-mouthed horror comedies with a nasty overbite. If you like bloody fight scenes, geeky in-jokes, and breakneck-paced action, then you'll love Rick Gualtieri's latest installment in the perfect vampire series for the 21st century adult. Buy The Wicked Dead to watch the nerdy vamp fight for his life today!



Goddamned Freaky Monsters

Goddamned Freaky Monsters Author Rick Gualtieri
ISBN-10 1940415217
Release 2014-06-05
Pages
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There are reasons we fear the night. Now he's trying to stop them. Three months have passed since the fateful encounter in New York City that ended with the disappearance of Bill Ryder - gamer, geek, and legendary vampire. Now he's back - reawakened halfway across the globe with no allies, clothing, or clue as to how he got there. The only thing he's certain of is that his captors plan to use him for their own nefarious ends and don't care how much blood they spill in the process. Escape might be the least of his worries, though. Civilization teeters on the brink of chaos. Mythical beasts, once thought the stuff of fantasy, are breaking through the veil, intent on waging war against mankind. At their forefront stands an ancient evil, the last remnant of a people thought long dead, and it's about to cut a swath of destruction through the world not seen since biblical times. Bill's only chance is to reclaim his life, reconcile with his friends, and muster every bit of attitude he can - because if he fails, Hell on Earth will become far more than just a corny saying.



Bigfoot Hunters

Bigfoot Hunters Author Rick Gualtieri
ISBN-10 9781940415161
Release 2013-12-03
Pages 426
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When Harrison Kent suggests an outing to the dense forests of Colorado, his friends are all eager for a few days of fun and adventure. What awaits them, though, is far more than they ever bargained for. They learn that Sasquatch is real, but these are not the shy creatures that legends speak of. A madness has claimed them, erasing their once peaceful nature and leaving in its place a ravenous horde of monsters that's about to descend upon the unsuspecting residents of a remote town. The woods hold more than one secret, however. A low budget reality show is filming in the area and they have information that could even the odds. It's a desperate last stand against bloodthirsty beasts, but if Harrison and his friends can survive long enough, they might just be able to reclaim mankind's place atop the food chain. ---------- If you love gory monster rampages then don't miss this thrilling adventure. **************** Jaws scared people away from the beaches. I want Bigfoot Hunters to make you afraid of your own backyard. Bigfoot Hunters could be called a labor of twisted love. It combines my fascination with cryptozoology, my love of shows dealing with it - such as: Destination Truth and MonsterQuest - and my enjoyment of a good monster rampage. I had a ton of fun writing this story. I sincerely hope you get as much enjoyment reading it. ---------- Keywords: Bigfoot, sasquatch, yeti, cryptid, cryptozoology, giant ape, monsters, extinct prehistoric, thriller, suspense horror, adventure, urban fantasy, thrilling exhilarating books, novels for adults, murder killings, kill, mythology folk lore, scary stories, campfire tales, legends camping, rabies, rampage, isolated unsuspecting townfolk, government agencies, men in black, hidden agenda, reality show, crypto hunter, hunting, college, bigfoot hunters, last stand, pursued, bloody gory rampage, rednecks,terror



Known Devil

Known Devil Author Justin Gustainis
ISBN-10 9780857661678
Release 2014-01-28
Pages 384
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“My name’s Markowski. I carry a badge. Also, a crucifix, some wooden stakes, a big vial of holy water, and a 9mm Beretta loaded with silver bullets. “A new supernatural gang is intent on invading Scranton and it looks like I’m going to have to work with the current mob to prevent a demonic gang war. “If there’s one thing I hate more than living with supernatural scumbags, it’s working with them! But you know that they say, better the devil you know…” File Under: Urban Fantasy [ Fang Warfare | Invading Forces | Uneasy Alliances | The Devil You Know ] From the Paperback edition.



Lycan Moon

Lycan Moon Author Rick Gualtieri
ISBN-10 1974494578
Release 2017-09-04
Pages 388
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Rowan Sinclair has trained for a life in the shadows. As a member of the Guild, she's vowed to mercilessly hunt werewolves or die trying. But when one approaches her, claiming to know her missing father's fate, she decides to do the unthinkable - work with one of the very monsters she's sworn to destroy. Dean Mason is a man living with a curse, doing whatever he can to keep the beast inside from sating its bloodlust under the light of the full moon. When a chance meeting offers a tantalizing glimpse of a potential cure, he'll do anything to end the nightmare. Now destiny has united these two predators, each possessing the key to something the other desperately needs. Their partnership will lead to either their salvation or mutual destruction in this urban fairy tale where there's no such thing as happily ever after. ********** A dark urban fantasy. Lycan Moon is book 1 of the Lycan Evolution Series by Rick Gualtieri and Ruby Cruz.



A Child Called It

A Child Called It Author Dave Pelzer
ISBN-10 9780757396076
Release 2010-01-01
Pages 195
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This book chronicles the unforgettable account of one of the most severe child abuse cases in California history. It is the story of Dave Pelzer, who was brutally beaten and starved by his emotionally unstable, alcoholic mother: a mother who played tortuous, unpredictable games--games that left him nearly dead. He had to learn how to play his mother's games in order to survive because she no longer considered him a son, but a slave; and no longer a boy, but an "it." Dave's bed was an old army cot in the basement, and his clothes were torn and raunchy. When his mother allowed him the luxury of food, it was nothing more than spoiled scraps that even the dogs refused to eat. The outside world knew nothing of his living nightmare. He had nothing or no one to turn to, but his dreams kept him alive--dreams of someone taking care of him, loving him and calling him their son.



The Monkey s Penis

The Monkey s Penis Author Steve Wetherell
ISBN-10 1986176304
Release 2018-02-26
Pages 92
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Be careful what you wish for... Chris doesn't ask for much and he usually gets less, but a birthday gift of a disembodied monkey penis is about to change all that. Entering a world of mysterious powers and nightmarish consequences, Chris realizes the secret belief of every teenage boy- that his wang has the power to change the world. The Monkey's Penis is the third instalment in the terrifying Shingles series, and once again readers with weak hearts or bladders are advised to read on at their own risk...



The Corrections

The Corrections Author Jonathan Franzen
ISBN-10 0312421273
Release 2002-09
Pages 566
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Enid Lambert begins to worry about her husband when he starts to withdraw and lose himself in negativity and depression as he faces Parkinson's disease. Winner of the National Book Award. Reprint. 500,000 first printing.



Bill Bryson s African Diary

Bill Bryson s African Diary Author Bill Bryson
ISBN-10 0307418847
Release 2007-12-18
Pages 64
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“Here is a man who suffers so his readers can laugh.” — Daily Telegraph Bill Bryson travels to Kenya in support of CARE International. All royalties and profits go to CARE International. Bryson visits Kenya at the invitation of CARE International, the charity dedicated to eradicating poverty. Kenya is a land of contrasts, with famous game reserves and a vibrant culture. It also provides plenty to worry a traveller like Bill Bryson, fixated as he is on the dangers posed by snakes, insects and large predators. It is also a country with many serious problems: refugees, AIDS, drought, and grinding poverty. The resultant diary, though short in length, contains the trademark Bryson stamp of wry observation and curious insight.



Fright Squad

Fright Squad Author Flint Maxwell
ISBN-10 198758421X
Release 2018-04-07
Pages 340
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In a world where monsters exist...who's gonna kick monster ass? FRIGHT SQUAD! Well...they'll try. Abraham Crowley, like his father before him, is a monster hunter. The problem: He's not a very good one. Employed by the mostly secret organization BEAST, Abe and his two best friends, Maddie and Zack, are rarely taken seriously (the last "serious" job they performed was cleaning up after a pretty messy werewolf orgy...yuck). Then, while on patrol one fateful night, the trio accidentally prove their worth against a mutated vampire and are thrust into the action-packed world of monster-hunting they'd so been craving. But the job isn't as glamorous as they thought it would be. Because something strange is afoot. More and more creatures are mutating and wreaking havoc in the city, bodies are being stolen from the morgues, and someone is behind it all, someone dark and magical with a secret - a secret Abe desperately needs to know.



The Big Miss

The Big Miss Author Hank Haney
ISBN-10 9780307985989
Release 2012
Pages 262
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A noted golf instructor who worked with Tiger Woods discusses his experiences with the golfer, who was at the top of his game until a public scandal threw him off track.



This Time Is Different

This Time Is Different Author Carmen M. Reinhart
ISBN-10 9780691152646
Release 2011-08-07
Pages 463
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Examines financial crises of the past and discusses similarities between these events and the current crisis, presenting and comparing historical patterns in bank failures, inflation, debt, currency, housing, employment, and government spending.



Miss Peregrine s Home for Peculiar Children

Miss Peregrine s Home for Peculiar Children Author Ransom Riggs
ISBN-10 9781594745133
Release 2011-06-07
Pages 352
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The #1 New York Times Best Seller is now a major motion picture from visionary director Tim Burton, starring Eva Green, Asa Butterfield, Ella Purnell, Samuel L. Jackson, and Judi Dench. Bonus features • Q&A with author Ransom Riggs • Eight pages of color stills from the film • Sneak preview of Hollow City, the next novel in the series A mysterious island. An abandoned orphanage. A strange collection of very curious photographs. It all waits to be discovered in Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children, an unforgettable novel that mixes fiction and photography in a thrilling reading experience. As our story opens, a horrific family tragedy sets sixteen-year-old Jacob journeying to a remote island off the coast of Wales, where he discovers the crumbling ruins of Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children. As Jacob explores its abandoned bedrooms and hallways, it becomes clear that the children were more than just peculiar. They may have been dangerous. They may have been quarantined on a deserted island for good reason. And somehow—impossible though it seems—they may still be alive. A spine-tingling fantasy illustrated with haunting vintage photography, Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children will delight adults, teens, and anyone who relishes an adventure in the shadows. “A tense, moving, and wondrously strange first novel. The photographs and text work together brilliantly to create an unforgettable story.”—John Green, New York Times best-selling author of The Fault in Our Stars “With its X-Men: First Class-meets-time-travel story line, David Lynchian imagery, and rich, eerie detail, it’s no wonder Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children has been snapped up by Twentieth Century Fox. B+”—Entertainment Weekly “‘Peculiar’ doesn’t even begin to cover it. Riggs’ chilling, wondrous novel is already headed to the movies.”—People “You’ll love it if you want a good thriller for the summer. It’s a mystery, and you’ll race to solve it before Jacob figures it out for himself.”—Seventeen